Food fans everywhere are pretty certain that there are times takeaway has saved their lives. What they don’t know is that takeaway, quite regularly, saves the world.

Have a think back to the last apocalypse movie you saw ( zombie, asteroidal or otherwise.) The Earth’s doom always seems pretty certain and the threats don’t seem too far from the reach of reality. So what’s stopping computers from turning on us or the sun hurling fireballs at us on the daily? Our theory - takeaway.  

Aliens Can't Handle The Alfredo:  

The idea that there are exceptionally advanced beings that have mastered the art of space travel is not that farfetched when you stop to think about the actual size of the universe ( like 98 gazillion and 1 pizzas wide). So, really, it’s only a matter of time before they overthrow our governments and force us to become their french fry making slaves.  That is, if we didn’t eat so much garlic.  A bit like intergalactic vampires, extraterrestrials are incredibly sensitive to garlic. The fumes released when we cook a carbonara or grab some garlic bread are released to the atmosphere cloaking earth in a delicious, alien repelling force field.

Italian Food =   Arrivederci  Aliens

Godzilla No Match For Gyoza:

Yes the world is huge and the depths of the ocean are inconceivable for us humble humans, but it’s 2015 for crust’s sake. Science has DEFINITELY located and categorised all of the giant lizard creatures that can threaten humanity - they just haven’t told us because we can’t handle not being king of the food chain. We hear you, if this is true, something destructive would have happened by now. In steps takeaway. For years now the UN has been placing bulk orders of Gyoza to appease Godzilla and his hungry buddies - we all know a full monster is a happy monster.

Gyoza = no Godzilla sightings.  

 

Asteroids Can't Total Takeaway : 

This one seems way out of our control. With the amount of floating missiles just ready to shoot our way from some far off star system, we’re bound to meet the same fate as our dino friends. Nope. We’re protected, thanks to our commitment to takeaway. Since 1989 our government has been collecting old takeaway containers under the guise of the now famous Clean Up Australia Day. These plastic containers have been fashioned into a series of moveable shields protecting earth from asteroids like the little white paddle in pong.

Takeaway containers = Toodleloo asteroids  

For Zombies Spicy Is Scary: 

This threat is pretty credible - a dangerous illness turns you into a cannibalistic crazy person and spreads almost immediately around the world. With more and more pandemics and more drug resistant bacteria this probably would have happened 5 years ago, if not for the healing properties of spicy takeaway. The capsaicin in chilies acts as pepper spray for zombie germs, warding off apocalyptic amoeba and malevolent maladies with every mouthful. So keep up with the curry and the world will stay zombie free*

Spice stops zombies.

*Protection valid for diseased induced zombies. Does not protect from zombies caused by voodoo or necromancy

Technology Can't Touch Takeaway

With the amount of intelligence we’re building into them, it’s only a matter of time before the robots and computers turn. Siri is getting pretty sassy, so we can’t be far off - except we have one advantage over the bots - they can’t enjoy food. While our need to feed might be seen as a weakness technology doesn’t suffer it’s actually what’s keeping them distracted from destroying us. While their envy of our sense of taste keeps them focussed on improving their technological taste buds, their sights are kept well-off world domination.

Tasty Takeaway = Tied Up Technology

So next time you’re out enjoying a disaster free day, remember the efforts of takeaway and the tasty troopers that are keeping you safe.


Time to thank takeaway - Give it a love bite and order online now.

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