We’re all precious about our food. It is our evolutionary prerogative to get defensive if someone tries to steal our favourite snacks from us.

Our cave dwelling forefathers didn’t know when they’d be able to eat next, much like we don’t know when we’ll next be able to enjoy our most-loved morsels without our seagull friends hovering about our shoulders.

It’s time to lay down the law about the right way and the wrong way to share food.

First Bite Rights

Your friend’s food might look amazing but have the restraint to let them enjoy some first before you put the heat on them about letting you taste it. Patience is a virtue and it pays to let your mate’s hangries subside before you start asking favours.

Don't be a scumbag, Steve!

Don’t Snatch The Snacks

You might share food with your friends all the time, but NEVER, EVER, EVER, just assume you can have some of their food. The answer will most likely be yes, so get your manners on and ask first.

Don't gotta steal to eat, tell you 'bout it when I got the time.

Just Order the Darn Fries

You’re going to want some fries, so just spend the loose change to grab a small serve of your own, instead of making your friend regret not ordering the larger size and/or being your friend in the first place.

You have to be this cute to get away with it.

Keep Your Food Envy to Yourself

Your friend knows their food looks, smells, tastes and feels great and they’re sick of you telling them about it. They came to have a proper conversation with you, not hear you whine. You ordered the wrong thing, ask politely for a taste of theirs, enjoy what you’ve got, and order something else the next time.

A Few is No More Than 5%

There is strict doctrine handed down by the food lords about how much sharing is too much. If your friend has agreed to let you have SOME of their food, it is important to stick to these mandated measurements.

Items that come as one whole unit or dish: Burgers, steaks, parmas, pastas etc warrant one bite. One bite is equal to one moderate spoon or forkful (if you wouldn’t shove it in your mouth in front of your Nan, it’s too large) or one mouthful slightly smaller than the mouthfuls your friend has already taken.

Items less than 15 units: you may have 1 nugget, dumpling or the like.

Items more than 10 units: A “few” is equal to but not greater than 5% rounded to the nearest whole unit. If there are 30 fries it is appropriate to take 2, unless you are offered more.

There are 300 burgers, so Squidward can have 15.

Time to put these rules into practice. Order some succulent shareables now.