Aussies eat more and more pizza every year, so it’s pretty easy to take those perfect slices for granted. For plenty of people pizza night is a regular ritual and literally the only thing that can get them through the working week.

But what if you couldn’t have that? What if Italian Americans had never commercialised their pizza napoletana recipes? What if pizza scraps sent the feral fox population skyrocketing and were banned from Australia? What if pizza was just a figment of your imagination and had never really existed?

A hypothetical problem with terrifying real world consequences, we would be genuinely lost without all the sweet slices that lighten our lives.

What Would Happen at Pizza Parties?

There are really two options here:

People would attend parties and stand around awkwardly avoiding each other while wishing they had eaten at home OR

The parties would centre around other shareable food (like dumplings or fried chicken), but lack the excitement and passion of pizza parties as we know them

Anchovies Could Take Over The World

With a major predator (pizza lovers) now out of their food chain the happy little anchovy can go on reproducing and frolicking about the ocean. The more anchovies available, the more seagulls will breed to eat them. Eventually we could either be overrun by thousands of fat and annoying seagulls or anchovies could be so great in number they could easily take over the ocean and rise up against us.

The Restaurant Industry Might Implode

17% of the world’s restaurants are pizza places. Without this delightful dish, more and more young people would be resigned to blindingly boring years of stacking groceries, potential pizzeria proprietors might turn to crimes like hamburglary and there would never be any cheesy deliciousness delivered to our couch.

Absent Pizza Would Break The Internet

Pizza is the food equivalent of cats on the internet. Without odes to pizza filling up the piles of user generated content and the libraries of food blogs, something else would have to take their place. The best bet at this point is some sort of cat, mirco-pig hybrid that is not only adorable but knows how to tap dance.

This was the closest we could get... for now

So, with all this in mind, we know we need to be more appreciative of the tasty toppings and seductive slices that so readily arrive at our doorstep. Love your pizza, before it leaves. To appreciate an awfully nice slice, order online now.